win the war

win the war 13.12.08

why do we hate when we can love
why does hate often wins the war over love
when we look at others why do we forget
its alright to be weak, feeble or at fault?

So many times we let hatred win over love, compassion
when we would have won we defeat ourselves
we forget Jesus prayed to his father to forgive us
those who hated him, tortured him in return of his love, affection

and we, his children fail to love those who have not caused us any wound
we forget that loving, forgiving is the normal, hating is not right or fair
we act against the human nature, and betray the love of the creator
we forget that at the end it will be ashes to ashes and ground to ground

so in this short stay in this earthly abode before leaving for heaven
we ignore and forget to light the lamp of love and keep it burning
which will remind others of our love and affection when we are gone
we forget that it needs fire of love not darkness of hatred to keep earth turning

every time we give in to hatred, to contempt, to anger
without provocation, without being harmed by any one
we walk a step away from god the nurturer
and move a step toward the destroyer the evil one

we cant change the entire world or go on preaching every one
but we can look inside our souls and try to destroy hatred
try to love as long as we can and trust until we are betrayed
and turn our back to darkness and move toward the sun

a flower

Make me a flower as brave as a lotus in a pond
that is surrounded by snakes and origins from mud
yet it is holy and divine, unspoiled and serene and pure
shining in its own glory, knowing its place at your feet is for sure

fill me up with the fragrance of a jasmine and let it spread
around me to soothe every soul which comes near me
make my presence full of love and tenderness to soothe the hatred
that is overcoming the heart of your children in a great spree

your eyes

your eyes
11.12.08

I don’t know you, you don’t know me
yet when you look at me I feel scared
as if you are seeing through me
your eyes are making my soul bared

You don’t talk nor do i
we are just two companions
travelling in the same boat
yet your eyes scare me

the way you silently stare
try to say something
which I cant read though I try
and regret what I am missing

you look at me from across the room
my heart starts to beat faster
my mind stands still
I feel like I am lost in an desert with you

Mirage

Mirage
7.12.08

Never fall for a lover who cant look straight in your eyes
or smile at you, sit beside you, to show it crystal clear
to the world that you belong to him, he belongs to you
even if the room is full of friends and beautiful strangers

who love truly never hide, cause love knows no chain, no restrain, no fear
they show it open and wide that their world revolves around their lover
lovers hide their feelings only when they are not sure
that the feelings of their own or their lover is pure

In love

In love
11.12.08

Don’t run after the person who makes you feel the second best
makes you feel you are one of the crowd, only one among the rest
never let any one make you feel that you are lesser
than the God’s best creation, because the creator
made you one of a kind, you are your only comparison
you are unique, you cant be replaced by none

look for the person who makes you feel you are priceless
you mean a lot to him, you are a piece of his life
so dear, so precious that without you its lifeless
love always lifts both the hearts above, one that gives
and one that gets it are both blessed and raised
above this world, to kiss the moon, to meet the stars

a love that makes you feel cheap, used, wasted
is not love, it’s a feeling misplaced or wasted
leave it behind, walk a few steps forward
when you will look back you will see it has faded
it has lost its colour, its charm, it is jaded
it is about to drop down to ground and reduce to ashes

dew drops

Dew drops splattered on grass
Dew drops splattered on flowers
They are God’s sweet blessings
Which come down upon us
When we are dreaming

When we wake up in morning
We see them splattered like stars
Like diamonds on the trees
Grass, flowers, every place to see

They go back to their home
On the chariot of sunlight
There angels gather them
And shower them back in the night

Under the lights of million stars
Riding on the beams of moonlight
They come down again to meet us
To greet us in the morning light

A small prayer

A small prayer 7.12.08

Mother please teach me to love all your children
unless they break my heart and cause me too much pain
teach me to forgive, if not then forget and never detest
the faults and failings of others, and help me to be my best

make me always remember one golden fact, truth, rule
whatever I do, wherever I go, no matter how much I try
you will always be there to see me, to guide me, to hold me
I can hide from every one but cant hide from you and me

Give me the strength to be honest, simple and brave
give me the power to shed my pretensions, evil and cunningness
fill my heart with love for you, all your children and also kindness
fill my soul with blind faith for you and your justice

so that I don’t waste my precious hours hating others
looking for a revenge, or trying to settle my scores
in place of that I spend my hours relishing your glory in abandon
and waiting for your justice to come down and do what must be done

A brook

A brook 7.12.08

Life is a brook, a river heading for ocean
it flows through different terrains
the deserts, the woods, the mountains the plains
all come and go, but the river flows unrestrained

like her the life flows through success, failure
love, hurt, death, birth in all galore
just like a river cant stop for a rock, a stone,
life cant stop for a wound, a loss, a pain

river have to go through all the hues to meet its ocean
life has to clear all its earthly due to meet god, its destination
it has to go through all the ups and downs curves and turn
it has to paint its blank canvas with a picture lovely and serene

A small hand

A small hand 11.12.08
My papa sent me off to big town to earn some money for my home
where my baby siblings and mom were waiting helplessly for the alms
which I and my papa earn working day and night
working like a pair of robots, round the clock without least respite

I saw no love in my master’s eyes, he only shouted and screamed
he only made me work, never letting me play or read like his children did
nor did he gave me candies or dresses when he brought for them
never did I felt their caring hands on my burning forehead when I was sick

my days started with the crow and ended when the world slept
my food was your left over, my clothe was your neglect
I grew up hating the world because it scorned when I wept
then life changed, my toils brought my harvest

one day I was sitting on my porche when you came
begging for a job or a handful of food for your family
you did not recognized me, but you looked the same
I called my servant, asked him to feed you and your family

Don’t

Don’t 7.12.08

Don’t hold a hand which holds you back weak
A feeble grip will slip with the first blow
of life, of reality, of temptation, of greed
and leave your hand empty, your heart bleak

life is too short to be wasted on friends,
who will just walk a few steps, share a few smiles
and turn away when the first turn comes
walk away when the first rain falls

you

When the shadows were too long
The road seemed too long
Every step was blocked by a stone
I was in a crowd but completely alone

You came out of nowhere and started to walk
beside me, holding my hand in your hand
my heart in your heart and soul in your soul
you became the oasis in that never-ending sand

we walked together for miles,
every time I stumbled your hand pulled me back
to my feet again with a smile
every moment we spent together flew away

then life took a sad turn
our paths parted
you went your way, I went mine
but whenever I lose my light
I know your invisible light will burn

A flower

A flower God called me when he placed me inside my mom,
A flower angels called me when they came down to see me
every night while I waited for the day to come
when I will see the sunlight and feel the breeze
feel my mother’s kiss, her touch, her caresses all over me

I opened my eyes and heard a whisper
a girl again, I saw tears in my mother’s eyes
anger on my father’s face as he scooped me up from
her side, and took me out in the cold, dark
he laid me down in the road and left in the dark

I laid there crying till I felt a touch, a soft touch
like my mom, like the angels, like God
I saw a stranger holding me close
and whispering in a voice oh so sweet
who left this baby doll, a bunch of flower here…
f

Its your life

Its your life, your dreams, your joy and laughter
Don’t make any one your destiny’s master
Whatever you do, take your decision
meet life with love and dedication
You win you win, you lose you lose
Just do the work and take the rest
as casually as inspiration and expiration

When we take the helm of our own life
life becomes a challenge, a dream, a white palette
to win, to be tamed, waiting to be painted
we become a painter, a creator, a dreamer, a magician
we face every war to win and grin
every defeat as lessons to learn
every scar leaves our spirit unscarred, unscathed
every fall makes us get up and walk tall

because deep down we know that even if we stumble, we fall
we have controlled our destiny and that is the greatest victory of all
we are the master of our own destiny, the greatest king among all
we have faced every blow yet have not crawled.

Love hungry people

Love hungry people

These people are supposed to be most cherished, because they already cross the half way mark of an affection by being love hungry, they love without discrimination, all they need for a successful relation is reciprocation, but in reality they are either lonely or abused. A rare few of them get a person who matches their wavelength and have a mutual feeling for them.

No two persons are alike, there are various types of human beings, and these people usually crave for affection desperately in a materialistic world, where people have all of a sudden started to measure affection in the yardstick of utility. In their desperate crave for affection these people forget harsh reality. They try to win over the affection of their loved ones at any cost. As a result end up badly exploited or hurt.

Being an unmarried person with lots of patience and time for friends I have had ample opportunity of mixing with these people and trying to sort out the reason why they are hurt again and again in relationships. I have observed a few similarities in most of them.

First is these people think that loving some one with all their heart will make the other person love them. If they keep on trying one day that person will reciprocate. These words look good in books but in reality they should try some thing else, my mind says if they really love some one they should first judge that whether they can have that person or not, if yes, they should befriend that person and before falling madly in love with that person clarify her stand. Whether or not she is least interested in having such an relationship with him. Even if two persons are completely compatible to each other, that hardly means that they can fall in love with each other. The loveaholics should understand one thing very clearly mutual love is as rare as a diamond. Most of the affections in this world are one sided.

Second is they think losing love means end of the world, it is not that way. It does not proves that their love was inferior, it simply means that they were not meant for each other. These people often take relationships far more seriously than it is for their dignity. They mix up failure in relationships with failure in life or commitment. As a result they try to make a relationship work at the cost of their dignity, happiness, well being and some times ethics. They forget to teach us one important lesson that is, being stuck in an abusive relationship takes us nowhere, its better to leave it behind and look for a person who will give us the joy and happiness we need and deserve.

Third is gift or money cant procure love, in the contrary it may attract greedy people. If they want to lavish their lovers they should rather go for simple, beautiful but not too costly things in initial stages, to test if they measure things by money. Say, for example, a genuine person will be overwhelmed if her lover brings her a rose every day, or never fails to bring a chocolate or small gifts like a pen, or a memento for her once in a while, but a greedy person will most probably not be content with such things, and move on for greener pastures. So, as they are looking for love, they should be sure that the person they love is also looking for the same. If they don’t throw some simple tests they may turn into the emotional slaves of some one who is not even remotely interested in his affection. I have seen too many examples of this, where people don’t take even blunt hints about the real target of their object of affection. People who use others usually don’t have much time to spend after a single relationship, they usually test how much they can extract from that person in a very well-planned and rapid speed and take the decision. There is nothing to feel bad if some one has fallen victim to these people, even the wisest people sometimes fall for cunning charm. The best thing they can do is to discard them the moment they know their real face.

I have observed these things more minutely in literature, especially in Of human bondage by Somerset Maugham, that story taught me an invaluable lesson, that some people are born to love and some others are there to exploit them. But to my greatest joy the hero found the reciprocation of his love in the end in some one else. I often suggest sensitive and loving people to read this novel at least once. This book is a great teacher of human relationships.

replacing the diamonds with pebble

India is modernizing, the process started with stepping in of British, and after independence the momentum increased rapidly. I believe that change is essential, by changing a person proves that he is alive, we change every day, through changes wise people improve themselves and naïve people take the path which fancies them. In the long run the wise people look back at their life with a smile, where as naïve people some times look back with dismay.

I have personally observed a few pebbles which Indian society has picked up blindly and thrown away the true diamonds in their bags to replace them.

One of them is respect for elders, family, and the institution of marriage. Even in my childhood marriage and family meant a lot to majority of Indians. We used to obey people who were hardly one or two year senior than us, whereas the trend of new age seems to make fun of white hair. I don’t want to say that every old person is respectable but we can at least respect their seniority and try not to speak back unless we are pushed to a corner. There is no harm in giving a person who is far more older than you his or her due respect,

In my childhood or even twenty years back we used to hear that marriages are for life, but these days people have forgotten that thing. The unfortunate part is they want every one to believe what they believe. That marriage is just for convenience, it is just a social certificate for a live together. It should not rein down their liberty, and some times recklessness. People like me, who have not married just because they have believed in the old system, that marriage is the union of two heart and souls, and a vow to be loyal to each other for life. Hence marrying any stranger just to abide social rules was impossible for us. We have to sometimes fumble for words when we try to make our friends understand the true meaning of marriage in Indian society. I usually don’t argue because age and maturity has taught me to keep my mouth shut and stick to my principles. But earlier I used to get red faced trying to make people understand that people who don’t know the true meaning of marriage should marry only people of their own wavelength or should not marry at all. No one has right to ruin any one else’s life and dream.

Family life was always so strong in India, that its really painful to see it getting disintegrated. I have lived in a semi joint family, my sister in laws have lived with their in laws for years without any friction, so I really feel a little sad when families fall apart to pieces, first it started with brothers separating after marriage, then finally it ended with husband and wife living a parallel life in two cities. In the mad rush to get the glitters, I think we some how are missing the gold. We are sacrificing love, security, happiness for luxury.

To further extend this point we will see that in the post independence era we have lost another invaluable mindset with which our ancestors were blessed. That is the ability of being happy with a very modest life. We have simply thrown away the thinking “god give us only that much that I am able to take care of my family, I don’t go hungry nor does my guest…”, in my eyes it’s a very beautiful interpretation of our basic needs. I think if we can stay content with this, and acknowledge every extra bit as a god’s gift we will be truly blessed. There is no end to human desire, hence by losing the Indian values, which taught us to be content with minimum, we are giving in to the whirlpool of endless desire.

I often love to play pranks with people who are obsessed with going against the Indian values, by sticking to Indian values like wearing saree, eating by hand or sticking to Bengali my mother tongue or at the max speaking in Hindi. I have been born and brought up in an environment where we have been taught a lot of western etiquettes but have always been clearly told that Indian heritage is priceless. I still believe that, and always will.

We..the ultimate VIP

Wise people say our relationship with the rest of the world is based on how we treat ourselves.

It’s a truth that to us we are the most essential beings, the being with whose existence we exist and with whose non existence we perish…..

Most of us make the mistake of becoming the harshest critic of ourselves. Its necessary that we should be the most rational critic of ourselves, but rational does not means harsh or cruel, it may closely resemble indifference though. When we criticize ourselves, or often make fun of ourselves we kill our own spirit. In the long walk of life we will find a lot of people who will do it for us, so, we can simply spare ourselves from our own whips. We should always be aware of our own follies or defects, but should know a bigger truth, no one is perfect, hence there is no need to be sad about our flat nose, but we can be alarmed about our harsh tongue. All defects should be well noted, some should be changed and others just taken sportingly.

We have often been taught that loving oneself is sin, but so must be hating or hurting oneself. To live a happy life one have to love oneself. No need to be narcissist or selfish, one should not put oneself above or below others, but he should treat himself as equal to other. He should always remember, that he is not inferior to a king or superior to a pauper. This confidence should be built in oneself. By loving and respecting oneself, a person learns to love and respect others. We will realize this truth if we ever cease to love ourselves or our surroundings force us to hate ourselves. We will observe that we have started to hate the rest of the world too. The best medicine of this poison is to lay our love first on God, and then as we will love the creator more and more we will regain our love for His creation too. We should remember one thing, almost every one of us deserves love, and each and every one longs for it. So, why wait for others to love us? Why cant we pamper and adore ourselves in a logical manner? Love does not means narcissism, love means love.

Always give yourself respect and affection when you are pursuing or maintaining a relationship, never let any one use you or degrade you. Don’t think that if you treated yourself right you will become selfish, quite contrary to that, if you are unspoiled and dignified, that magic will spread to others through you.

Never make a person your first priority when you know very well that you are just one of his options.

If you are looking for a lasting relationship always head towards a straightforward and honest person. A person who is ready to give you love, affection, respect openly. People who work undercover, are either cheat or uncertain about themselves. So, sooner or later they fall apart and break you to pieces too. You cant read other people’s mind, but you can read your own. You cant make others love you but you can love others and yourself. So, give the relationship the best you can, but not at the cost of degrading or abusing yourself.

Never let any one take advantage of your politeness and insult you or make fun of you, if you cant strike back harshly use a cold snub, and after that try to maintain that attitude whenever that person tries to bulldoze you again. This is the best medicine for this not so mentally healthy people. They just get their twisted pleasure out of hurting and abusing others, so, don’t let them make you a prey. Just remember one thing this world is based on a give and take relationship, to get love from you let others love you first, to get respect-respect, honesty-honesty and so on. Never let any one abuse your nobility.

The gist of all I think is we all deserve a happy, and dignified life. A big truth is we can control our own destiny to a great extent. So, instead of becoming a puppet in the hands of circumstances or people we should live a happy life and let others live so. If we ourselves are happy, we radiate like a sun, and our warmth and light illuminates every thing around us. When they tell us to start with the man in the mirror that should not mean only rectifications and punishments, that should mean smile too, a praise too. Start loving yourself and you will start loving everyone sooner or later.

Gone moments

Gone moments are gone forever

When we deal with others, we forget this invaluable lesson. That once a thing has happened, and the results has come out, its very hard to return to the position zero.

So, I personally think that when it comes to make others happy we should do it as soon as possible and when it comes to hurt others, we should try to take as long time as possible.

Lucky and wise people always act slowly, and try to keep their negative passions under control, especially their tongue. We can often note it in elder persons, or more matured persons, that they keep their inner belief to themselves, and in company of a crowd they act neutral, and mostly they prefer the role of spectator, of course maintaining their ethics.

The zeal and passion of youth often ignores their maturity and thinks that they want to please every body, actually that may not be the truth. Its quite possible that they maintain the role of a silent observer because they have seen too many irreparable wounds caused by hasty actions. They know, once you wound some one by an unfair action, its tough to repair that wound. So before taking any side or harsh decision, they try to avoid it to the maximum length.

We cant mend a broken heart, or bring back a dead person to life, so, lets not do any thing in haste for which we will regret forever.

When it comes to the other part, that is making others happy, we should do it as soon as possible, because who has seen tomorrow? If you like some one, never hide it from him or her, if you love some one be brave enough to clearly show it. If you like some thing in some one go ahead and say it, of course I am not asking you to approach strangers, and tell them that they are looking gorgeous, or that you are falling in love with them, I am talking about your close people.

Some times we lose a relationship just out of our shyness, I have once read a story which really brought tears to my eyes, it was a point to point description of a guy’s relationship with his best friend, a friend he loved with all his heart since his school days, till her last breath, and when she died he received her diary, in that it was clearly written that if he had asked her hand in her school days, she would have given it without a second thought. They both lost each other just because of shyness.

I have once heard a real story, in that a guy used to commute by metro railway every day, every day he used to meet a dazzling girl, every day he used to think that he will approach her, his friends got tired of coaxing him to do it, then the girl disappeared for a fortnight, and returned, when the guy looked at her face he saw that her hair was decked with vermillion.

Showing our affection, love and appreciation or admiration for a thing does not shows our weakness, it gives us a chance to make others happy, or may be it gives us a chance to make ourselves happy too.

Once we part our ways from a person or thing, its really tough to get back, so, its really smart to act while we are still on the stage. Why wait for later?

opposite nature

People often muse over the famous doha written by legend Rahim that a banana tree and a berry shrub cant live together happily, because when one of them sways in his normal way the other gets ripped. That is when the berry tree moves in wind its thorns rip the soft body of the banana. I am one of them who strongly believe that relationships are based on mutual trust, respect and affection. I have more than often observed how the friendship between two exactly opposite natured people does not lasts for long, they just rip apart like the legendary doha..

In case of friendship or love, which are relations from heart, not family or other means, no matter how much we deny, the fact is the wavelength does matters. Two opposite natured persons may get attracted to each other initially, it may run smoothly for a while, but after a while it starts to lose its colours. The friction or allergy starts to grow. Some times they can mend it, but most of the times they part their way, or their life becomes miserable if they are husband and wife.

People often say that if love is too deep people of two exactly opposite nature can love each other for an entire life. But can they? If a sensitive and kind person becomes friends with a harsh and criticizing natured person. One of them continuously criticizes the other, demeans him, both rudely, and the other one gets deeply hurt but is unable to strike back because of his nature, will that friendship really last? One day or the other day, that person will get his quota of hurt and either will become sarcastic or move on.

I have once known such a duo, one of them had some serious problems, the second person made the mistake of making him talk of his problems, but in the long run he realized that he cant solve the problem, not only that, the regular habit of his friends turning to him in case of his problems started to irritate him and he started to shun him with comments like “you are sissy, all you can do is complain”, then after a while he used to say I joked, I was not serious, but finally one day his insult just went over the top when he jokingly offered his dignified friend the post of his “servant”, and he parted his way for the rest of his life, continuous phone, and smses did not made a single effect on the person. Because he did not wanted a person around him who would keep on insulting him without provocation.

Lets take another example, can an in and out sophisticated person last with an extremely unsophisticated person for a long term? One of them will say excuse me after sneezing, the other one will spit on the street. They just do not fit together When we are in our youth, we often ignore these harsh truths, and invite unnecessary harassment to ourselves, or pain to others. I still remember one of my brothers (the star movies, discovery channel type) fell in love with a typecast Bengali village girl and married her, and his family was in for horrible shock. Nothing which she did was agreeable in their family. She did not maintained the least abroo in case of any thing, dressing up, talking or other things. And her husband just dumped her in the home and kept on living his old life, she used to pester her in laws for things according to her taste and they used to pine for the things of their taste. It was a horrible result of an hurried relationship.

Its just a thought, some thing I believe, I wonder what others think about it.

Gratitude

Gratitude, a divine word, but this feeling, and its expression should be measured. Because this feeling is often used against a noble heart. Every one has read the epic Ramayan, how Dashrath’s grateful nature resulted in his death pining for his beloved son.

It’s a very true word, gratitude blesses the heart which holds it, I some how feel that a person without gratitude is hardly a human being. But, this feeling can be overwhelming, it can blind us from realizing selfish motives behind a petty act of kindness. I have often wanted to discuss the flip and the flop side of this coin.

The beautiful sides of this divine virtue which makes our soul beautiful, without it we somehow lack to be human being. It is often quoted as essence of humanity. It gives happiness not only to the person who does a good deed, it makes the person on the receiving end a happier person. Because by realizing the good deed and its beauty he relishes it twice.

On the other hand this is a virtue which can make us puppet in the hands of a scheming person. People who help others and in lieu of that help sometimes completely control their life. I once personally knew a lady from intimate proximity, who used to give gifts to her own siblings as payment of services, or as advance payment of services. She used to give gifts after some one did her some service, or give some one a gift and immediately thereafter request that person to do some thing for her. Now, most of the people will execute that request out of gratitude. And usually her expectations were far more higher than the petty gifts she used to hand out. She used to control the very life of her hapless gift receivers, preying on their sense of gratitude. But can we call them gifts? Or shall we call it the price of those works?

So very often have I heard people boasting or stating to their close persons, that they have helped a person in his bad days so he is bound to help them anywhere, any time that I have started to believe that some people help others to enslave them. Do we help others to create a right on them for a pay back of that help? Its natural that we will expect some gratitude from a person we have helped, but why shall we expect return, or be more precise demand return? After all, a help is supposed to be an unselfish action, or else it will be called a paid service, not help.

I have seen a few persons actually doing like that in my life, heard a few more complaining about help that were not returned, but, there are high chances that there are more people like them. Who help others with the expectation that they have bound that person in a string of emotional or real obligation.

Some introspection and study of human nature has taught me one thing, which I don’t think a lot of people agree with, that is, its ok to not pay back every help. Or feel extremely grateful to every one who has helped us. I firmly believe that one should try his level best to not harm a person who has done him some good, but to feel overwhelmed by helps… well…

Kalipuja

Most of the urban Bengalis celebrate deepawali, but to some rare and lucky people like me, who have a “desher bari aka family home in village” are blessed with the chance of celebrating Kalipuja.

My ancestral home is under Khandaghosh P.S., its an old single storied home, atleast a few hundred years old, surrounded by ruins of earlier abodes. The scenery is simply mind blowing.

On one side there is river damodar with its vast spread banks of sand and small gardens, on the other sides are ruins and empty land.

Our home lights up only five days per year, during the durgapuja, when the entire family gathers. They bring generator sets and electricians who light up the entire house. It is enveloped in darkness through out the remaining year, the only mean of light is primitive forms like lantern and candle.

I have been to the Kalipuja a few times only because the place is not very safe, but the memory of those puja is never to be erased from my heart and mind.

Kalipuja starts at midnight of the amavasya and the idol is immersed on bhaiphonta aka bhaidooj. We I, my two siblings and my uncle used to land in home at about noon of Kalipuja, after that my uncle used to leave to locate the purohit and see if the preparations are going in the right direction, and we used to fish out the pradeeps to clean them up and fill them with oil, and after the dusk has settled in, we used to place them with the help of others. I still rue the lack of a good camera, by which we could take the snap of that marvelous picture which those lighted pradeeps used to make at night.

Those of you who have a little imagination can just close your eyes and imagine a very old house surrounded by utter darkness, and only the house is lighted with simmering pradeeps, lined up beautifully against the dark sky and the dark surroundings. I still can see that scene after ten years in my mind’s eye.

After the puja used to start we used to gather in the pujamandap with handcounted villagers, who used to sacrifice the funs of crackers to attend the puja. The pujamandap used to be dimly lit, with a couple of lanterns and petromaxes (a lantern like think which burns atleast fifty times brighter). And we used to silently sit there watching the puja.

I used to slip out before the balidan, and go to the home, and sit at the gate, silently watching the people of Burdwan bursting crackers. Because the only thing between Burdwan and my village was vast bank of Damodar river and the river itself. That’s a non forgettable memory. Not a single soul any where, just me and the silent surroundings. The sky full of stars, a silent dark row of ruined rooms where once was atithishala, and our own ancestor’s abodes, a sleepy riverbank lined by trees, the sky full of light of firecrackers.

We used to return the next morning, the purohit used to take care of the puja of the remaining two days, and the bisarjan.

public image

We create our own public image, it’s a big truth which we cant deny. We often forget when we are out in public, that is in school, college or office, that the people who are judging us there are not half as much forgiving as our family members. We can get some genuine chances of self improvement in the world outside our family, if we take them we become a better human being, and if we lose them we become extremely unpopular.

I have personally noted a few which make people very quickly very unpopular. First one is one of the most common, seemingly harmless but extremely annoying in long run. That is always speaking ill of most of the people we know. This habit is extremely common, but it shows an extreme arrogance and negative mindset of the person. People often shy away from these people, because they are deadly for any one’s mental peace or self confidence. People very naturally think that if he talks ill of every one behind their back its but natural that he will speak ill of me the moment I turn my back on him. Illsayers seal their coffin themselves. These people very soon find out that excluding some very kind, patient people none speaks with them. My suggestion for these people is to realize the simple truth, no one is perfect, we human beings have more vices than virtues. Just like we see faults in others, others also see them in us. They are kind to not point them out, so, we also should try that kindness on others. Unless we see some fault that can be harmful to some one, why point them out? Why ruin some one’s day if we cant make it?

Second one is not as harmless as the first one, but its equally common, it can be called garbage truck syndrome, just like an overstuffed garbage truck sometimes spills out the garbage and makes the life of those near it miserable, these people cant check their tendency of venting out their personal frustrations on others. They make the life of those who are nearby them miserable. One fine morning, every thing is flowery and you just happen to encounter them, they either snap at you without any reason or corner you and pour out all their personal miseries till all the flowers are dead in your poor heart. These people should realize one harsh truth, our personal problems are our personal problems, the less we talk about them the better, because 45 percent of the listeners wont listen, fifty percent will laugh or make that their latest gossip topic, hardly one percent will listen and suggest a solution and the remaining four percent will store that in their brain and use it later. Experienced people say that as long as you keep a secret its your slave, the moment you set it free its your master. The same thing happens in case of most of our personal life details.

The third one is nay saying, these people always see the world in negative light, they never see any hope in any thing, especially if it is out of the routine track, and try to spread that feeling to any one near them. Go to them, discussing a new career, new course they will promptly find out half a dozen hindrances, ignoring the assets. Show them a new dress, a new gadget, all they will concentrate is on its setbacks. As a result they are usually avoided by smart and sensitive people. Because we all live with insecurities, and we can hardly tolerate a person on the long run who will aptly point them out to us, and make us even more insecured. The sooner these people realize the truth the better it is for them is its all on the way of looking at a glass half full of milk, one will call it half empty, the other will call it half full. That is the way life is too, here every rose has its thorn. As long as the rose is there no need to count the thorns. Just cherish the flower. Point out the thorns only if the rose is absent.

God may have given us the nature, status and physical appearance, but our public image is made solely by ourselves. And it can be repaired at any point of time, no matter how much we have ruined it before that, if we are sincere we can repair most of the damage if not all.

Again, its our public image by which people usually judge us, a very rare group of people know our true nature, so, its very wise to act accordingly. And the best way is to judge others, and see what we hate in them, and never do it ourselves.

manipulation

Its strange how we get manipulated in the name of love, how some times our very close persons manipulate into doing things which we never should have.

We all know that ungratefulness is one of the worst component of human nature. Even a small school going child knows it. Even then, I have made that mistake knowingly only once, and after doing that I learnt two lessons, that one act of ungratefulness haunts a person through out his life, and we can be manipulated by people we love very much for all the wrong reasons. A bitter incident taught me two invaluable lessons.

I learnt these lessons in my teenage and remembered it ever since. I had a take-take relationship with my elder sister, who was always on the receiving end, I on the giving end. I used to dote on her, and she is one the best manipulators I have ever seen. I will give her 200 marks in 100.

I slaved for her for years thanklessly, It used to freak out almost everyone who used to see us together. But I was too dumb to realize that, and she was an expert in using people for her good.

One of her friends used to visit our home every day, he was a very jolly person, and very fond of both of us. One day, I don’t know what came over him, he criticized her bitterly for using me, well, my sister told him that as I am her sister, and he is her friend so he is forbidden to talk with me ever again, and ordered me the same.

At that age, we used to listen to our elders blindly (She was three years senior than me), so I obeyed her, he came to meet me while she was away and I dictated her order to him like a robot.

That is one decision which has stung me ever since, especially after knowing my sister’s nature and rejecting her.

I should have never done that, he was my well wisher, and it must have taken him a lot of courage to stand against a friend he cared for so much, he used to daily visit her no matter what, and he lost her friendship for that standing up, and the person who he stood up for turned out to be pretty ungrateful.

That incident taught me two lessons at eighteen years of age, one, never be ungrateful to any one who has done you some good, if you have to walk away, do it with grace, keeping in mind that he has been your benefactor.

You will kill a marvelous relationship, and no matter how much you try to find a scapegoat for that murder, you will never be able to blame any one but you. You may name some one as who misguided you, but the pinch will remain there.

And the second one is, no matter how much you love some one, never blindly act on his or her words. Always apply your own judgment and reasoning. Be guided by your own brain, heart and soul. Because its your life, you should make yourself capable of holding its helm. Stumbling, falling, and getting hurt occasionally does not makes you a failure. If you stand up and walk on your own again, every fall teaches you how strong you are. Its really painful to be manipulated by some one to do some thing which you would never have done. Its better to do the same thing by yourself, because in that case you will suffer the consequences with dignity, knowing that you reaped what you sowed.

Ungratefulness

Ungratefulness, its one of the deadliest poisons for any relationship, we often take those people who love us the most as granted. We start to ignore their helps, good deeds or worse, show our ingratitude or hurt them in return of those things. We start to think that they are nice to us because we are some thing special. We become so egoistical that we ignore the truth that may be they are nice to us because they are noble or sweet.

I don’t remember when I have done it last, I learnt the lesson in my teenage and remembered it ever since. I had a take-take relationship with my elder sister, who was always on the receiving end, I on the giving end.

It used to freak out almost everyone who used to see us together. But I was too dumb to realize that, and she was an expert in using people for her good.

One of her friends used to visit our home every day, he was a very jolly person, and very fond of both of us. One day, I don’t know what came over him, he criticized her bitterly for using me, well, my sister told him that as I am her sister, and he is her friend so he is forbidden to talk with me ever again, and ordered me the same.

At that age, we used to listen to our elders blindly (She was three years senior than me), so I obeyed her, he came to meet me while she was away and I dictated her order to him like a robot.

That is one decision which has stung me ever since, especially after knowing my sister’s nature and rejecting her.

I should have never done that, he was my well wisher, and it must have taken him a lot of courage to stand against a friend he cared for so much, he used to daily visit her no matter what, and he lost her friendship for that standing up, and the person who he stood up for turned out to be pretty ungrateful.

That incident taught me one lesson at eighteen years of age, never be ungrateful to any one who has done you some good, if you have to walk away, do it with grace, keeping in mind that he has been your benefactor.

You will kill a marvelous relationship, and no matter how much you try to find a scapegoat for that murder, you will never be able to blame any one but you. You may name some one as who misguided you, but the pinch will remain there.

Twisted jealousy

Twisted form of jealousy is most highlighted by human civilization, we usually think that jealousy means destructive jealousy. I already discussed that there can be a thing called harmless jealousy. It may be more intense than destructive jealousy, but does not causes any harm, but often profits the person who carries it.

Destructive jealousy is the reason behind this passion being looked down upon, or the reason why people hate jealous people, or keep away from them.

This nature is quite common, its not a freak incident that one sibling tiptoes in another’s room while she is in college and splatters some drops of ink on her favourite dress, because every one complimented her how gorgeous she looked in that dress, while no one complimented her. We can get hundreds of example from people around us. I used to know a woman who had millions of qualities but she was so blindly jealous of her younger sister’s looks that she left no stone unturned to ruin her, and finally succeeded.

Most of the jealousies are more or less destructive, just like any blind passion jealousy too has a strange way of taking unchartered, ugly courses. Like a thing which started as a jealous tiff ended up in a life scarring damage. Jealousy is a power which if turned to positive direction it always makes us a better person, and if turned to the negative direction it makes a demon out of a normal person.

The happiest hunting field of jealousy is career world. Because, here it can experiment on various grounds, looks, charisma, expertise …. the list never ends. And this is the place where objects of jealousy suffer most. Because career world does not have moral obligations, we don’t have to answer our loved ones why we ruined our sister’s favourite dress. We can do whatever we want there, and then return home to our loved ones after completely whitewashing ourselves.

You will hear so many stories, those of you who cant convince others that you are suffering from someone’s hidden jealousy, let me share a story to make you confident, if not those who don’t trust you.

One of my close friends used to work for a really big company, in the post of senior marketing executive, he was heading for the post of branch head, he had to make an presentation and hold it the very next day. He stayed up late and prepared the presentation and made the blunder of not keeping a copy with him, the next day when he turned up a couple of hours before time, he saw that some one has formatted his machine, no one could find it out who has done it, but some body did. He managed that presentation by making a patchwork type of presentation. But, he immediately changed the job. Still that incident was a black spot on his till date spotless career. No one will believe that one of your colleagues formatted your machine without any rhyme or reason, will they? But this is how jealousy works. Normal people will never understand how jealous mind works, and that gives them an undue advantage.

No one can change a jealous person’s nature, he will have to do it himself, he will have to choose whether he will take the positive route or negative route to appease this demon. Being a full blooded leo, I have this passion in full fledge, but ever since my early childhood I have taken care that I mould it to the positive direction. I always used to compete with those who were better than me and invest my energy in not pulling them down but upgrade myself. People often compliment me on my handwriting, when I was in class four, a girl of my class had marvelous handwriting, the entire class was crazy about that, that made me practice eight to ten pages of handwriting each (for Hindi, English and Bengali) per day for next four years, as a result my writing was almost always without mistake. I think its alright to be jealous, but its disgusting to hurt or harm the object of jealousy.
In the end, I don’t know how to combat the jealousy of a jealous person, wont mind a few tips on that account.

Jealousy

Jealousy… its one of the worst enemies of a relationship, in one hand it shows that the relationship really exist, on the other hand it sometimes chokes or poisons it.

We will never feel jealous if a stranger dotes on his daughter, but if our father prefers our sister we can get jealous. The thing which matters is whether or not we can control it.

As I was a passionate person when I was younger, I cant saintly say that jealousy does not exists, or true love does not knows what jealousy is.

I believe in more humane explanation, I believe all passions are present in human beings in more or less quantity, and when a single passion overcomes all other passions then it becomes that person’s nature. If love rules over all other passions, that person is called angel. If hatred then most probably devil, and if jealousy then simply jealous.

Ok, jokes apart, I will rather go by examples, and who can be a better example than myself? When I was younger, in my youth, I used to be extreme possessive. With age I have become a lot more well mannered, as I have learnt simple rules of life, you can make yourself love anyone, but you cant make any one love you. Intelligent people know when to let go.

But in those ignorant days when some one I truly loved say for example my pet dog, used to prefer some one else on me, I used to go green, and grab her and bring her to my room (like selfish giant …. all mine)and try to keep her there. Its useless to say that she used to slip out again the moment she could.

Now, when I look back, I laugh. But at that time I was serious. Now I have learnt that loving does not mean owning. I raised her from one month baby, she stayed with us for 11 years, so any one can guess how attached I was to her. She used to follow me like a shadow, and share my bed. Still, I now think that I was silly.

Just think what would have happened if she was not a loyal, non questioning dog? What if she were human being? She would have thrown me out of her life at the first chance.

Jealousy in a controlled way makes a relationship spicy, adds some value to it, but uncontrolled, rhymeless jealousy makes live miserable.

A jealous person can never be happy, because that fire of suspicion and jealousy keeps burning inside his heart, depriving him from enjoying the beauties of the relationship itself, or the other beauties of the world.

unselfish love

The deep blue ocean was rolling in front of her eyes, waves with white foam on their brow softly touching the shores, and then retreating back, like a small child swinging back and forth in a swing.

She was staring at the horizon where equally deep blue sky has come down to touch the ocean. A strange serenity was settling inside her, she has strived for this inner peace for so long, and it came down upon her soul all of a sudden.

Her trance was broken by a tender touch on her shoulder, she turned back and saw her husband’s smiling face and stood up to hug him. He hugged her back with firm tenderness, they sat down side by side watching the ocean, her head on his shoulder and his arms around her.

Smirna closed her eyes, a deep feeling of peace enveloped her. A peace she never thought she will be blessed again with. She was born and brought up in a small town, her father passed away when she was a baby, and mother was a housewife, with minimum knowledge of world. Who brought up her only daughter with a very strong sense of ethics and religious values, her relatives used to tease her as sanyasini because of her spiritual nature. She also passed away leaving her alone in a joint abode, a home occupied by three brothers of her father, and their children. Who were neither kind nor unkind to her.

Her misfortune started when the eyes of a political hotshot fell on her, he was married, but he strongly believed money and power talk. Which Smirna did not, so his chase failed, but it flustered him to the limit of rage. He took each and every attempt to bent her as per his wishes but could not, even though he succeeded in ruining her reputation and possibilities of staying in that home. Because her extended family, sensing the danger if they invite his wrath, became extremely hostile toward her, and she had to leave that place.

She applied for the job of a school teacher in South India, to her pleasant surprise it was based on a seaside town. It became her daily routine to take a stroll on the beach. One day when she was taking her stroll a storm broke out and she ran to a nearby house and took shelter under the balcony. But she got soaked up all the same because of strong gusts.

After a few minutes she heard the door opening, she turned back and saw a guy walking out to the porch, he was extremely ugly in worldly measurement but had a strange serene expression, and a deep glow of inner goodness.

He softly said that she can wait inside, if she did not feel unsafe with a single, stranger. When she gently refused he disappeared inside and on resurfacing handed over her a towel. A few minute later he brought out a tray of tea. He requested her to take a seat on the chairs which were there, and brought down a polythene sheet to prevent raindrops from wetting her further.

He escorted her to the school gate because when the rain stopped it was pretty dark, she thanked him with all her heart, and felt his noble nature deep within her heart. While walking back to her room she was comparing him to those dirty guys who came into her life after that scoundrel who made her life miserable. She could not see any similarity. She remembered with terror another thing, that she gulped down the tea with gratitude when he handed it to her, but he might have spiked it. Two drops of tear welled up in her eyes.

Next day while having her stroll she glanced eagerly yet shyly at the balcony and saw him sitting there, she smiled at him and he smiled back, then asked if she will mind his joining her on her walks, she responded with a shy and happy smile.

They started to walk, within one month Smirna realized that Shantanu was one of those persons who have been brought up with best cultures, one day during an emotional outburst he shared that he was in airforce, a horrible accident took away every thing from him, including his capacity to please a mate, so he forced his fiancé to marry and retired here. He bought this house from his savings. Both his parents has passed away, so he lives here on his own. And he finds it very relaxing, because he doesnot have to answer same set of questions to every one, including strangers.

Their friendship started to get deeper with each passing day, one day while she was coming back from school to her rooms a colleague caught up with her. She gently informed Smirna that the parents of pupils were talking about her relationship with Shantanu and giving it names. Smirna was shocked but she knew society, so she did not went out for her walk that day.

She was pleasantly surprised when the watchman came telling her that Shantanu was waiting for her in the main gate. She quickly changed and went out to meet him, on seeing her a deep peace settled itself on his worried face. After asking about her well being he asked her why had she not showed up. She could not answer. Shantanu explained the reason to her, he said as he has been living in this place for more than ten years he knows the people well.

Then he asked Smirna that why does not she marries and settles down she has long crossed her thirties, if she further delays it she may stay alone for the rest of her life. She shared all her past life with him, how that scoundrel has chased her for years which ended up in a hatred for men, and their ethics as a husband.

Shantanu gently held her hand for the first time and said that is what happened when pure evil tries to overpower pure goodness, he never wins, but the wounds he lefts behind never heal.

He gently held her hand a little more firmly and asked her if she can be his life partner, he will let her go the very day she will find some one else who will win her heart. Ever since he has met her he is finding it next to impossible to spend a single day without her. He will be able to offer her the social protection and she will be able to give him the long lost human companionship, and they both will be friends forever.

Smirna gently held his hand with both of her hands.

Seven years have passed since that day, and she has never regretted her decision for a second.

blessed times!

Since my first memories, Durgapuja was the occasion for which we waited the year through. Durgapuja meant waking up when stars were still shining in the sky and cross the lawn to reach the siuli trees, leaving marks of bare foot on dew covered grass, where the grass was covered with siuli flowers, that has dropped with the dew, all night through. The air used to be heavy with the fragrance of my forever favourite flower. We used to pick them up so we can take them to the para puja. Which used to be held in our school’s hall. Where we used to hand them over to older didis, who used to make garlands.

Then I returned home to West Bengal, and Durgapuja took a far more important role in my life, then the waiting for the next puja started from Vijayadashami, when we used to watch out from our terrace, with tears in our eyes the men of our family carrying away the Devipratima for bisarjan to Damodar.

Our Durgapuja started from Mahashasti evening when Madurga is invited down to the body of the idol, it is called pranpratishtha. It’s the most important part of durgapuja in old families, and I never missed it. During those hours, it appeared that slowly Madurga is coming down to the clay idol and transforming it to herself.

Next morning, very early, the dhakis make a round near the panchmundi asan, (an asan, where our family believes that one of our ancestors was able to see Makali), waking up those who want to go to pujadalan, slowly we come around, only a handful of us on other days, and all the men on saptami, because they have to go to the river while the purohit fills up the mangalghat, the symbol of madurga, in our family, that mangalghat symbolizes the bringing home of deities. And we, those handcounted women who wake up either head for lakshmir ghar (the room where malakhshmi stays, that is the room where all the preparations of any puja are done, its an elaborate affair believe me), or for the equally important affair of gathering flowers to prepare garland, I belonged to the latter part. While we gathered flowers we used to keep our ears open, because the moment we could hear the dhaks approaching toward home from distant we had to run for two kamandalus, by which two of the women used to rinse the path of the mangalghat, while it approached the pujadalan. After that, we used to get busy in stitching garlands of flower, tulsi and belpatti, that was quite a long affair, because the numbers were huge. Then we had to run for bath, because the arati and pushpanjali was to follow. After that, elders used to stay in the pujadalan because of Hoam , we used to head for the hall, to eat. Then fun with extended family for the rest of the day, and evening meant a lot of cajoling then we used to wear the new dress, and head for the sandhyarati.

Ashtami meant sandhipuja’s anjali. 108 lotus, an arati of madurga with 108 pradeeps. One of the most waited for moments for us. I was one of the permanent candidates for sandhipuja anjali, no matter when it fell. In our home anjali meant a fasting without drinking a drop of water, forget about food. Yet, whenever the sandhi kshan fell, a lot of candidates were sure to show up.

Next mahanavami, sadness had already caught up with us. Apart from the regular puja, mahanavami meant a special hoam, a hoam is held in our home every day of durgapuja, but mahanavami hoam is special, 108 belpattis are offered to agni, we all have to be present, when the 108th belpatti is offered to agni, the senior most member of our family touches the purohit (which is strictly prohibited otherwise), and we touch him through a chain. That is one person touches him, then those around him touch him and so on, so that the chain is universal. After hoam, we are given tilaks with the ashes of that hoam. Mahanavami sandhyarati is the longest one, yet our hearts never get satisfied with it.

Then comes the Vijayadashami, the final puja is performed and then the mangalghat is tilted a little by the purohit, that means bidding farewell to the Mother. After that a special ritual called kanakanjali is performed and the men (now the women too) write down the name of madurga 108 times on belpattis, these are immersed with the devipratima. And the purohit ties a piece of aparajta branch on right wrist of every one who writes the name. Then after a while mangalghat gets immersed in the river.

Then the evening came, the devipratima is taken out, we change our clothes and touch the feet of the idol, then She is carried away by the carriers towed by men of our family, while we head for the roof, to see it as far as we can. And wait for the next year with tears in our eyes.

Even though I have not been there since long, yet those days of divine purity are never away from me. No matter, where I am my soul always go there during these five days. And these five days are always the best five days of my life. So, on vijayadashami, just like all Bengalis, I can say, aashchhe bachhar aabar habe. Shubho Vijayadashami to all, may the blessings of the eternal mother shower down on all of you!

Law abiding Indians

I still remember a classmate in my college days, who received a solid lecture from me, because at that time I was outspoken. But he some how gave me the hint of Indian society. We were good friends, he was from Durgapur and used to come to Burdwan to attend college. One day, while we were talking he started to childishly boast that he never buys tickets because he thinks that first Railways should run trains on time, and arrange for minimum amenities on the train then only should they ask for a fare. I told him that the thing which he is doing is stealing, taking a ride without paying for it. Railways have never begged him to take a ride, he is taking it because he needs it. He needs Railways not the other way round. And Indian Railway is too cheap. We did not agreed on that point.

Second instance of over obedience of Indians to law and order came when Bhagabati Prasad Banerjee banned cracking of loud crackers, I too used to love them, but he pointed out the way it harasses people and I also realized it. So I and a lot of my friends stopped it. But the people of his neighbourhood cracked loudest crackers around his home the night through. So sweet of them.

Third is the ban of smoking in public places, any person with conscience will agree that these people are SELFISH who don’t mind to make pay others for their temporary fun. The way the majority of them act shows that, when they are standing in a queue or sitting beside the window they don’t mind lighting up and passing the entire smoke to all around them, forget about taking permission, they don’t even try to channel the smoke in a manner that it does not kill the lungs of those around him. The thing that Dr. Ramadoss did was very right. But to my greatest mirth I observed that more and more people are smoking in the public place. So very docile of them.

It’s a shame the way so called educated people make fun of law and order. No wonder that India is so high on corruption scale. These incidents if seriously taken they will reflect the Indian mindset. We love to break rules. We think its heroism, but actually it reflects our bad taste. When government is making a law we should first judge its logics, and if it is logical, as both ban on smoking and sound pollution is, we should be decent enough to abide it.

We are becoming addicted to going against the law. Ultimately we will end up like African nations where one coup ends and another starts. Law and Rules are made to make the society more habitable. They are not things to be played with especially by educated persons.

snobs

We will see them all around us, everywhere. There are a lot of ways to point them out if we try. My instincts say keep away from these people, because they are the worst thing that can ever happen to human society.

I am a reader, reader by choice, one of those people who read a lot but just according to their fancy, no methodical reading for me.

I stumbled upon MSN archive in 2006 and am here ever since. There are few really good writers, and some amateurs, I really hope that in future the editorial team will grade the articles before publishing them. That will help us in selecting articles. Some times we miss good articles, foot falls hardly count in assessing a good article. I have another request, they can give this website a professional touch keeping in mind the huge footfalls its creating. So many writers and their friends and colleagues must be regular viewers of the site. So they can make it a little more professional and give it a special touch, like making the list of authorwise article more complete and accessible etc, and categorizing the articles and authors.

Well back to the original topic, snobs, I will only pick out three topics, all three are based on the articles I have read in MSN one is the response to terrorism. As a normal human being I too condemn any sort of terrorism. That’s but natural, but exactly the reason for which I condemn terrorism, I condemn the killing of terrorists too. They are also human beings, misguided but human being, they need psychiatric treatment not bullet. Food on their plate, social upliftment. Those who preach these people patriotism, have they ever seen the penury in which Muslims live? They don’t have minimum facilities, yet they are honest at the most. I have seen muslims from close sector, so I wont take any superficial preaching from any one. These people who bay for the blood of terrorists may be termites in real life, taking bribe, doing other criminal things, killing the country silently, but they put up a mask and pelt the first stone. Where as people like Dr. Vaidyanathan who have been doing constructive things for years look for a peaceful way out for everyone. Should we all not be looking for that?

Second is male bashing, yes, I am a woman, and quite proud to be one, I am one of those women who did not married by choice because I don’t need any man to take care of me. But if I had I would have married a demand-less guy, would not have expected him to carry me like a burden, I would have loved to have a daughter instead of son. But even after being extremely proud of my gender, I will never deny the fact that in married life either the husband is abused or the wife, atleast one them is the ruler of the roost. There are hand-counted relationships where both treat each other as equals. So why do men try to prove that only they are abused and vice versa? Its utterly ridiculous in my eyes. Come on, my comment is based on my own experiences and I don’t belong to Mars. Is it not abuse to taunt one’s wife every alternate day for not bringing dowry? Is it not abuse to taunt one’s husband every day for not earning as much as her brother in law does? Or not setting up an accommodation separately? When we deny truth and pretend we are right and every one else (even if he is speaking the truth) is wrong, then we become snob. No matter how loud we cry, we will not become true, we will stay snob.

Third one is the worldly acknowledged gay/lesbian community. I have written about them a couple of times. And received some harsh comments. That only showed the snobbery which rules Indian mindset. My only question is gay/lesbians are hated all over India like they are doing some thing extremely loathsome. What if they feel the same about straights? Do these people who hate them so much are rinsed with milk? The scary rate of sexual crime does not say so. Forget about the unreported ones. Most of these crimes are done by straights, not gay/lesbians. What about that?

Will the world should not be far better if we look inside our souls and clean it before picking up the stone and pelting it at others?

Lately the trend of Indian society seems to be concentrating on the faults of others, ignoring their own lacking? Every where we will hear about corruption, but if all these people who talk against corruption were honest themselves, would it have been possible that the level of corruption had been so high in the country?

If all these people who talk about discrimination against women, abuse of human rights, evils of dowry and caste system were speaking through their actions these things would have been on the verge of eradication by now.

We have copied so much from West, now we can learn some ethics from them, how to live without wearing mask. How to be inside out.

sympathy

Those of us who are regular readers of things happening around them, or listeners/viewers of the same may have noted the alarming way in which suicide or psychiatric disorders are in an upward surge.

Most of the suicides happen because a broken heart did not had any one he/she could confide into. We all have formed a cocoon around us which some times includes our close people, a cocoon of warmth and happiness. And outside it is usually a sphere of cold formality. That is most probably one of the main reason behind such an upward shooting of mental and psychiatric disorder.

Even twenty years ago depressed people were able to confide into their friends, relatives, or some times stark strangers. But now, depressed or lonely people have to fight their own fight. Inter-human relationships were not as complicated as they have become these days. People have become far more mechanical and complex these days, before joining career world they are busy to build a career and after getting a career they are busy in it. They hardly have REAL time to spend with other human beings. So, when some one tries to reach for his hand he has to either look at his watch whether he has time, or look inside his heart whether he has the heart to digest some one else’s pain.

We have forgotten one thing that we should take out some time out of our crazy life to spend it with other human being, completely unselfishly. Who can say some words spoken from our heart may turn around a life from the path of direction. But before doing that we will have to understand one thing, what are we bargaining for. Because pain and misery is a thing which some times swallows the sympathetic ear.

There are two major types of miserable people, one are those who really are miserable and need company and the second are those who suffer from self pity. The number of the second category is lot more than the first category, hence we some times treat the genuinely needy persons harshly, assuming that he is suffering from self pity and curse ourselves for the rest of the life.

All we can do is practice some patience and kindness. I am not asking you to become a complain box, but if a person is forever pouring down his woes at you, first analyze his personality, then analyze his problems and you will get the answer from within whether to offer him your hand or ask him to strengthen himself so he could face day to day problems of life.

If that person is a strong person going through a bad patch, he will get the hint and walk straight. But if he is a weak person he will keep on complaining, in that case you can slowly distance yourself. But with diplomacy, because nothing is gained from hurting a person whose chips are down.

I have met such friends twice, first one was Steve, who was beside me at the darkest patch of my life as a guiding star or may be more than that. After a while when he got exhausted of my problems he slowly disappeared, but not before teaching to look at the positive sides of life, and teaching me how to stand my own.

The second friend came after Steve distanced himself, I distanced myself from him because of his repeated berating comments but not before he taught me an invaluable thing. I was going through a really nasty patch of life at that time, a thing which was happening but was not because of my fault and was far beyond my control. He taught me to meditate every day without fail, and THAT WORKED LIKE A MIRACLE. Slowly I rediscovered myself, the old strength and poise which were always a part of my nature came back to me, and with thousand times more strength. Even though my friendship with him is over for the rest of my life but whenever I sit down to meditate I pray for him too. So if you become a friend to a miserable person be like Steve or atleast my second friend.

golden lyrics are gone

I love music, it’s a part of my life, or may be the very blood in my vein, a day without music hardly comes to my life. But my love for music is not universal I listen to music without discrimination for the first few times, but like and repeat songs with good tune, lyrics and singer. These are life blood for a good, memorable song to me. A song does not come to life if the lyric is not good, the tune heart stirring and the singer capable of bringing life to it.

Whenever I listen to the modern songs I truly pine for the lyrics and the singers of past days. A lot of music directors expertly copy the hit and melodious songs from west, so the tune part is not bland, but the lyrics and singers are hardly comparable to the singers or lyricists of my younger days.

Where as the latest trend seems to scoop good melodies from west, then hand them over to the lyricists to prepare lyrics that fits that tune. The more meaningless a song is, the more suspicious it makes me that it’s a copy of some western tune. There is such a vast collection of western music that it is not possible to catch the thieve until you have yourself heard the song too many time, even then its not that easy to catch.

Even now when I listen to the songs of Md. Rafi or earlier artists I realize what lyrics means and how a singer can put life to a song. Those songs made us laugh and cry with them, fall in love with them, made us searching our own reflection/loved one’s reflection in them. Who will not love to sing “Chaudavee ka chand ho…” for his lover or “Ai nargise mastana..”

Its strange how artistic side of human civilization is on a downward sweep, I have stopped reading (please read repeating) Bengali literature after saradindu, English literature after Louis L’ Amour. Hindi? Well even though I know Hindi thoroughly but I don’t read Hindi literature, never did on my own, just read the text book stuff and some additional things like Munshi Premchand or magazines or novels and hated the last two categories, they are mostly insult to literature. Modern Bengali literature, I hardly repeat the stories of modern writers, but even now I read books by Bankimchandra or Saratchandra eagerly.

In field of arts we will observe the same. And music, the lesser said is better. Only field which is out of the path of this downward sweep is Hollywood. They have maintained a standard till date, and some of their works is really excellent.

I wonder if we will see the upward surge too. The upward surge of creativity after it hits the bottom.

Arrogance

It is usually called vice but I think that it can work as a friend or foe, depending on how we use it. If we want to live an isolated life in the crowd, it can work wonder. We all have to live in the society, but all of us are not social, some of us want to live a reserved life, and over curious people make the life of these solitude seekers miserable.

Politeness does not work with every one, there are too many overcurious people, who will not put full stop to their questions. They don’t care about the feeling or disapproval of others. They will just ask questions and forget the answers within half an hour, and will ask again.

To elaborate further, I can share a personal experience, I will never forget a woman and her daughter, I was a tenant in their house just after my mother passed away, they used to barge their entry in my rooms ten times a day and the major topic of their discussion was the detailed story of my mother’s passing away. Their curiosity never ended, they used to ask the same question every alternate day ignoring the extreme pain they were causing, finally I had to take up the above stance, instead of giving polite answers to their cruel questions I started to show them cold shoulder and a great deal of arrogance.

It worked wonders on my mental peace, even though they broadcasted to every one they knew that I was arrogant, but I was happy. They stopped asking me those extremely painful questions because they knew I wont answer. And after observing its success I started to use this mask. These days, wherever I go, I only answer what I feel like answering. In case of normal people the answer is true, but in case of overcurious people the answer is not necessarily the truth. I just say whatever pleases me, or whatever crosses my mind. My simple policy is to know my personal details you will have to prove you are earnest and worthy. There are so many people in this world who live their life as quiz masters, the sole reason behind their existence seems to ask people questions.

You can never know when the information you have innocently shared will be used against you. So, its really wise in today’s overcrowded world to keep our mouth shut. We have to mix with at least a couple of dozens people on daily basis, its better to maintain a smile and hi for most of them, and chit chat with the remaining. Only time will tell who are worthy of being shared our personal details with. Our best friends can become our worst enemies overnight and use our secrets against us, forget about casual acquaintances who don’t feel any moral obligation toward us. In case of majority people arrogance works wonder, it gives you some time to select the people you want to mix with.

You can always use arrogancy as a weapon to keep people you don’t like to keep away from you without hurting their ego, and turning them into your enemy. Because they will be able to openly call you wrong and disgusting, but will keep away from you all the same. And allow only those you like to get near you.

A rose

A rose
November 27 2007
A rose among thorns,
A noble heart that knew only loving,
A gentle soul that knew only giving,
So many times he was pricked by the lusty thorns
Surrounding that red fragrant rose
His heart,
One day he thought he will change,
Wont let any one make a fool of him again,
He was hell bent to go to hell
When he heard a voice sweet
He looked in his petals and saw a fairy sweet,
She said in a voice gentle serene
If you become thorn where shall I dwell

friendship

November 24 2007
friendship
Friendship is like a harbour in the dark ocean of life
When the waves hit the boat
In the dark of night
No moon no stars in sight
The tired boatman just wants a place to hide
He gently rows his boat to the harbour to have some respite
Just like that when things go rough
people make our going tough
We turn to that special person
The person who stays forever like the silent harbour
To shelter our tired spirit from the harsh going on of life

some thoughts

December 14 2007
some thoughts
some thoughts hidden deep inside us
too dear to be said out loud
or to be whispered to some friend
who may let them out to scatter in wind,
they are like flowers which bloom
in the darkness of night,
under the stars
loved by the moon and dew drops
and wither away with the light
the harsh sunrays of reality, disclosure
bruise their tender body and they fade
so they should be let alone
in the soft, dark warmth of heart
so the person who truly cares
will just close his eyes and
feel the fragrance of that
unspoken thought, untold word

when you were busy chasing butterflies

June 15 2008
when you were busy chasing butterflies
When that person called you up at odd times,
then you were busy having fun with persons you liked,
Those who filled your days with fun and laughter,
make your hours turn into enchanting seconds…..

That one call used to bring a little lull in those enchanted moments,
You some times pick up the phone and say some thing polite,
Some times you did not and later give him some half hearted alibi..

Then one day your butterflies flew away to other pastures,
Leaving behind only sweet memories and empty hours,
you turn around to search for that person who has pestered…

All you could see was a shadow disappearing in distant horizon,
Love came, knocked your door, waited for you and departed rejected,
When you were busy chasing butterflies the flower of your life withered