Its your life

Its your life, your dreams, your joy and laughter
Don’t make any one your destiny’s master
Whatever you do, take your decision
meet life with love and dedication
You win you win, you lose you lose
Just do the work and take the rest
as casually as inspiration and expiration

When we take the helm of our own life
life becomes a challenge, a dream, a white palette
to win, to be tamed, waiting to be painted
we become a painter, a creator, a dreamer, a magician
we face every war to win and grin
every defeat as lessons to learn
every scar leaves our spirit unscarred, unscathed
every fall makes us get up and walk tall

because deep down we know that even if we stumble, we fall
we have controlled our destiny and that is the greatest victory of all
we are the master of our own destiny, the greatest king among all
we have faced every blow yet have not crawled.

Love hungry people

Love hungry people

These people are supposed to be most cherished, because they already cross the half way mark of an affection by being love hungry, they love without discrimination, all they need for a successful relation is reciprocation, but in reality they are either lonely or abused. A rare few of them get a person who matches their wavelength and have a mutual feeling for them.

No two persons are alike, there are various types of human beings, and these people usually crave for affection desperately in a materialistic world, where people have all of a sudden started to measure affection in the yardstick of utility. In their desperate crave for affection these people forget harsh reality. They try to win over the affection of their loved ones at any cost. As a result end up badly exploited or hurt.

Being an unmarried person with lots of patience and time for friends I have had ample opportunity of mixing with these people and trying to sort out the reason why they are hurt again and again in relationships. I have observed a few similarities in most of them.

First is these people think that loving some one with all their heart will make the other person love them. If they keep on trying one day that person will reciprocate. These words look good in books but in reality they should try some thing else, my mind says if they really love some one they should first judge that whether they can have that person or not, if yes, they should befriend that person and before falling madly in love with that person clarify her stand. Whether or not she is least interested in having such an relationship with him. Even if two persons are completely compatible to each other, that hardly means that they can fall in love with each other. The loveaholics should understand one thing very clearly mutual love is as rare as a diamond. Most of the affections in this world are one sided.

Second is they think losing love means end of the world, it is not that way. It does not proves that their love was inferior, it simply means that they were not meant for each other. These people often take relationships far more seriously than it is for their dignity. They mix up failure in relationships with failure in life or commitment. As a result they try to make a relationship work at the cost of their dignity, happiness, well being and some times ethics. They forget to teach us one important lesson that is, being stuck in an abusive relationship takes us nowhere, its better to leave it behind and look for a person who will give us the joy and happiness we need and deserve.

Third is gift or money cant procure love, in the contrary it may attract greedy people. If they want to lavish their lovers they should rather go for simple, beautiful but not too costly things in initial stages, to test if they measure things by money. Say, for example, a genuine person will be overwhelmed if her lover brings her a rose every day, or never fails to bring a chocolate or small gifts like a pen, or a memento for her once in a while, but a greedy person will most probably not be content with such things, and move on for greener pastures. So, as they are looking for love, they should be sure that the person they love is also looking for the same. If they don’t throw some simple tests they may turn into the emotional slaves of some one who is not even remotely interested in his affection. I have seen too many examples of this, where people don’t take even blunt hints about the real target of their object of affection. People who use others usually don’t have much time to spend after a single relationship, they usually test how much they can extract from that person in a very well-planned and rapid speed and take the decision. There is nothing to feel bad if some one has fallen victim to these people, even the wisest people sometimes fall for cunning charm. The best thing they can do is to discard them the moment they know their real face.

I have observed these things more minutely in literature, especially in Of human bondage by Somerset Maugham, that story taught me an invaluable lesson, that some people are born to love and some others are there to exploit them. But to my greatest joy the hero found the reciprocation of his love in the end in some one else. I often suggest sensitive and loving people to read this novel at least once. This book is a great teacher of human relationships.

replacing the diamonds with pebble

India is modernizing, the process started with stepping in of British, and after independence the momentum increased rapidly. I believe that change is essential, by changing a person proves that he is alive, we change every day, through changes wise people improve themselves and naïve people take the path which fancies them. In the long run the wise people look back at their life with a smile, where as naïve people some times look back with dismay.

I have personally observed a few pebbles which Indian society has picked up blindly and thrown away the true diamonds in their bags to replace them.

One of them is respect for elders, family, and the institution of marriage. Even in my childhood marriage and family meant a lot to majority of Indians. We used to obey people who were hardly one or two year senior than us, whereas the trend of new age seems to make fun of white hair. I don’t want to say that every old person is respectable but we can at least respect their seniority and try not to speak back unless we are pushed to a corner. There is no harm in giving a person who is far more older than you his or her due respect,

In my childhood or even twenty years back we used to hear that marriages are for life, but these days people have forgotten that thing. The unfortunate part is they want every one to believe what they believe. That marriage is just for convenience, it is just a social certificate for a live together. It should not rein down their liberty, and some times recklessness. People like me, who have not married just because they have believed in the old system, that marriage is the union of two heart and souls, and a vow to be loyal to each other for life. Hence marrying any stranger just to abide social rules was impossible for us. We have to sometimes fumble for words when we try to make our friends understand the true meaning of marriage in Indian society. I usually don’t argue because age and maturity has taught me to keep my mouth shut and stick to my principles. But earlier I used to get red faced trying to make people understand that people who don’t know the true meaning of marriage should marry only people of their own wavelength or should not marry at all. No one has right to ruin any one else’s life and dream.

Family life was always so strong in India, that its really painful to see it getting disintegrated. I have lived in a semi joint family, my sister in laws have lived with their in laws for years without any friction, so I really feel a little sad when families fall apart to pieces, first it started with brothers separating after marriage, then finally it ended with husband and wife living a parallel life in two cities. In the mad rush to get the glitters, I think we some how are missing the gold. We are sacrificing love, security, happiness for luxury.

To further extend this point we will see that in the post independence era we have lost another invaluable mindset with which our ancestors were blessed. That is the ability of being happy with a very modest life. We have simply thrown away the thinking “god give us only that much that I am able to take care of my family, I don’t go hungry nor does my guest…”, in my eyes it’s a very beautiful interpretation of our basic needs. I think if we can stay content with this, and acknowledge every extra bit as a god’s gift we will be truly blessed. There is no end to human desire, hence by losing the Indian values, which taught us to be content with minimum, we are giving in to the whirlpool of endless desire.

I often love to play pranks with people who are obsessed with going against the Indian values, by sticking to Indian values like wearing saree, eating by hand or sticking to Bengali my mother tongue or at the max speaking in Hindi. I have been born and brought up in an environment where we have been taught a lot of western etiquettes but have always been clearly told that Indian heritage is priceless. I still believe that, and always will.

We..the ultimate VIP

Wise people say our relationship with the rest of the world is based on how we treat ourselves.

It’s a truth that to us we are the most essential beings, the being with whose existence we exist and with whose non existence we perish…..

Most of us make the mistake of becoming the harshest critic of ourselves. Its necessary that we should be the most rational critic of ourselves, but rational does not means harsh or cruel, it may closely resemble indifference though. When we criticize ourselves, or often make fun of ourselves we kill our own spirit. In the long walk of life we will find a lot of people who will do it for us, so, we can simply spare ourselves from our own whips. We should always be aware of our own follies or defects, but should know a bigger truth, no one is perfect, hence there is no need to be sad about our flat nose, but we can be alarmed about our harsh tongue. All defects should be well noted, some should be changed and others just taken sportingly.

We have often been taught that loving oneself is sin, but so must be hating or hurting oneself. To live a happy life one have to love oneself. No need to be narcissist or selfish, one should not put oneself above or below others, but he should treat himself as equal to other. He should always remember, that he is not inferior to a king or superior to a pauper. This confidence should be built in oneself. By loving and respecting oneself, a person learns to love and respect others. We will realize this truth if we ever cease to love ourselves or our surroundings force us to hate ourselves. We will observe that we have started to hate the rest of the world too. The best medicine of this poison is to lay our love first on God, and then as we will love the creator more and more we will regain our love for His creation too. We should remember one thing, almost every one of us deserves love, and each and every one longs for it. So, why wait for others to love us? Why cant we pamper and adore ourselves in a logical manner? Love does not means narcissism, love means love.

Always give yourself respect and affection when you are pursuing or maintaining a relationship, never let any one use you or degrade you. Don’t think that if you treated yourself right you will become selfish, quite contrary to that, if you are unspoiled and dignified, that magic will spread to others through you.

Never make a person your first priority when you know very well that you are just one of his options.

If you are looking for a lasting relationship always head towards a straightforward and honest person. A person who is ready to give you love, affection, respect openly. People who work undercover, are either cheat or uncertain about themselves. So, sooner or later they fall apart and break you to pieces too. You cant read other people’s mind, but you can read your own. You cant make others love you but you can love others and yourself. So, give the relationship the best you can, but not at the cost of degrading or abusing yourself.

Never let any one take advantage of your politeness and insult you or make fun of you, if you cant strike back harshly use a cold snub, and after that try to maintain that attitude whenever that person tries to bulldoze you again. This is the best medicine for this not so mentally healthy people. They just get their twisted pleasure out of hurting and abusing others, so, don’t let them make you a prey. Just remember one thing this world is based on a give and take relationship, to get love from you let others love you first, to get respect-respect, honesty-honesty and so on. Never let any one abuse your nobility.

The gist of all I think is we all deserve a happy, and dignified life. A big truth is we can control our own destiny to a great extent. So, instead of becoming a puppet in the hands of circumstances or people we should live a happy life and let others live so. If we ourselves are happy, we radiate like a sun, and our warmth and light illuminates every thing around us. When they tell us to start with the man in the mirror that should not mean only rectifications and punishments, that should mean smile too, a praise too. Start loving yourself and you will start loving everyone sooner or later.

Gone moments

Gone moments are gone forever

When we deal with others, we forget this invaluable lesson. That once a thing has happened, and the results has come out, its very hard to return to the position zero.

So, I personally think that when it comes to make others happy we should do it as soon as possible and when it comes to hurt others, we should try to take as long time as possible.

Lucky and wise people always act slowly, and try to keep their negative passions under control, especially their tongue. We can often note it in elder persons, or more matured persons, that they keep their inner belief to themselves, and in company of a crowd they act neutral, and mostly they prefer the role of spectator, of course maintaining their ethics.

The zeal and passion of youth often ignores their maturity and thinks that they want to please every body, actually that may not be the truth. Its quite possible that they maintain the role of a silent observer because they have seen too many irreparable wounds caused by hasty actions. They know, once you wound some one by an unfair action, its tough to repair that wound. So before taking any side or harsh decision, they try to avoid it to the maximum length.

We cant mend a broken heart, or bring back a dead person to life, so, lets not do any thing in haste for which we will regret forever.

When it comes to the other part, that is making others happy, we should do it as soon as possible, because who has seen tomorrow? If you like some one, never hide it from him or her, if you love some one be brave enough to clearly show it. If you like some thing in some one go ahead and say it, of course I am not asking you to approach strangers, and tell them that they are looking gorgeous, or that you are falling in love with them, I am talking about your close people.

Some times we lose a relationship just out of our shyness, I have once read a story which really brought tears to my eyes, it was a point to point description of a guy’s relationship with his best friend, a friend he loved with all his heart since his school days, till her last breath, and when she died he received her diary, in that it was clearly written that if he had asked her hand in her school days, she would have given it without a second thought. They both lost each other just because of shyness.

I have once heard a real story, in that a guy used to commute by metro railway every day, every day he used to meet a dazzling girl, every day he used to think that he will approach her, his friends got tired of coaxing him to do it, then the girl disappeared for a fortnight, and returned, when the guy looked at her face he saw that her hair was decked with vermillion.

Showing our affection, love and appreciation or admiration for a thing does not shows our weakness, it gives us a chance to make others happy, or may be it gives us a chance to make ourselves happy too.

Once we part our ways from a person or thing, its really tough to get back, so, its really smart to act while we are still on the stage. Why wait for later?

opposite nature

People often muse over the famous doha written by legend Rahim that a banana tree and a berry shrub cant live together happily, because when one of them sways in his normal way the other gets ripped. That is when the berry tree moves in wind its thorns rip the soft body of the banana. I am one of them who strongly believe that relationships are based on mutual trust, respect and affection. I have more than often observed how the friendship between two exactly opposite natured people does not lasts for long, they just rip apart like the legendary doha..

In case of friendship or love, which are relations from heart, not family or other means, no matter how much we deny, the fact is the wavelength does matters. Two opposite natured persons may get attracted to each other initially, it may run smoothly for a while, but after a while it starts to lose its colours. The friction or allergy starts to grow. Some times they can mend it, but most of the times they part their way, or their life becomes miserable if they are husband and wife.

People often say that if love is too deep people of two exactly opposite nature can love each other for an entire life. But can they? If a sensitive and kind person becomes friends with a harsh and criticizing natured person. One of them continuously criticizes the other, demeans him, both rudely, and the other one gets deeply hurt but is unable to strike back because of his nature, will that friendship really last? One day or the other day, that person will get his quota of hurt and either will become sarcastic or move on.

I have once known such a duo, one of them had some serious problems, the second person made the mistake of making him talk of his problems, but in the long run he realized that he cant solve the problem, not only that, the regular habit of his friends turning to him in case of his problems started to irritate him and he started to shun him with comments like “you are sissy, all you can do is complain”, then after a while he used to say I joked, I was not serious, but finally one day his insult just went over the top when he jokingly offered his dignified friend the post of his “servant”, and he parted his way for the rest of his life, continuous phone, and smses did not made a single effect on the person. Because he did not wanted a person around him who would keep on insulting him without provocation.

Lets take another example, can an in and out sophisticated person last with an extremely unsophisticated person for a long term? One of them will say excuse me after sneezing, the other one will spit on the street. They just do not fit together When we are in our youth, we often ignore these harsh truths, and invite unnecessary harassment to ourselves, or pain to others. I still remember one of my brothers (the star movies, discovery channel type) fell in love with a typecast Bengali village girl and married her, and his family was in for horrible shock. Nothing which she did was agreeable in their family. She did not maintained the least abroo in case of any thing, dressing up, talking or other things. And her husband just dumped her in the home and kept on living his old life, she used to pester her in laws for things according to her taste and they used to pine for the things of their taste. It was a horrible result of an hurried relationship.

Its just a thought, some thing I believe, I wonder what others think about it.

Gratitude

Gratitude, a divine word, but this feeling, and its expression should be measured. Because this feeling is often used against a noble heart. Every one has read the epic Ramayan, how Dashrath’s grateful nature resulted in his death pining for his beloved son.

It’s a very true word, gratitude blesses the heart which holds it, I some how feel that a person without gratitude is hardly a human being. But, this feeling can be overwhelming, it can blind us from realizing selfish motives behind a petty act of kindness. I have often wanted to discuss the flip and the flop side of this coin.

The beautiful sides of this divine virtue which makes our soul beautiful, without it we somehow lack to be human being. It is often quoted as essence of humanity. It gives happiness not only to the person who does a good deed, it makes the person on the receiving end a happier person. Because by realizing the good deed and its beauty he relishes it twice.

On the other hand this is a virtue which can make us puppet in the hands of a scheming person. People who help others and in lieu of that help sometimes completely control their life. I once personally knew a lady from intimate proximity, who used to give gifts to her own siblings as payment of services, or as advance payment of services. She used to give gifts after some one did her some service, or give some one a gift and immediately thereafter request that person to do some thing for her. Now, most of the people will execute that request out of gratitude. And usually her expectations were far more higher than the petty gifts she used to hand out. She used to control the very life of her hapless gift receivers, preying on their sense of gratitude. But can we call them gifts? Or shall we call it the price of those works?

So very often have I heard people boasting or stating to their close persons, that they have helped a person in his bad days so he is bound to help them anywhere, any time that I have started to believe that some people help others to enslave them. Do we help others to create a right on them for a pay back of that help? Its natural that we will expect some gratitude from a person we have helped, but why shall we expect return, or be more precise demand return? After all, a help is supposed to be an unselfish action, or else it will be called a paid service, not help.

I have seen a few persons actually doing like that in my life, heard a few more complaining about help that were not returned, but, there are high chances that there are more people like them. Who help others with the expectation that they have bound that person in a string of emotional or real obligation.

Some introspection and study of human nature has taught me one thing, which I don’t think a lot of people agree with, that is, its ok to not pay back every help. Or feel extremely grateful to every one who has helped us. I firmly believe that one should try his level best to not harm a person who has done him some good, but to feel overwhelmed by helps… well…